Eat What You Want Too!

This all started when someone at work had the best looking fresh thick cut bed sandwich. Then all I wanted was some tomato and lettuce sandwiches but the lettuce was $4 and my gourmet unripe tomatoes pack of 5 were almost $7. I spose by the time they ripen the lettuce will be on special. I ended up having a carrot.

But I don't think what I eat is making me sick.

On good days - also known as paydays I try my best to buy good food. I rarely eat junk. I wish I could - but that means getting out of my pjs, putting on clothes aka a bra and heading out. I'm too lazy for that. 
I'm happy with just having a single carrot for dinner. It's not satisfying, so I go looking for some chocolate. Yeah so what if that's in the form of a spoon full of Milo. Don't judge me. 

Now I know I'm fat "you're not fat" yeah I am. I'm chubby and the front facing camera shows me and reminds me how many chins I have. 
I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a fatty. Have you seen my boobs! Big fucking

deal. If you judge me or others on my body size then you're a douche bag. 
I'm not going to say "oh I’m a 10" when clearly I ain't. And when others say it - babe you're only lying to yourself ‘cos you ain't fooling us. You're just as fat as me sweetie. 

But you know what - I have no interest whatsoever to lose weight. I've lost weight before. And my boobs went like lifeless pancakes. I still had my double chin and my legs - well they always look great. But it didn't make me any happier. I'm still me.  Tia loves my tummy!! 
And I'm not like the scank at the end of my street who takes "sexy" Instagram bathroom selfies but still has a face like a smashed crab. I have more respect for myself. 

I love food and if I could eat pizza every day. I would. I also love love love salad and LOVE fruit salad. OMG I can't get enough of it. I wish I could afford to buy it more often. 
I crave salad all the time. And if I buy lunch at work - the salad is always my first choice. Sure I may get a sneaky party pie (but just one) as well as a V.  I know .. You're judging me again. 
I don't take vitamins or supplements. And not a fan of water - but do drink it at work - it just tastes yuck. 

I don't eat salt and cringe watching people put what looks like handfuls of it over your meals. 
Everyone's having a whinge about sugar - fuck people salt is worse!! Yes a very small amount of it is good for you. Which you'll find in everyday foods it's contained. Even in soda water there is salt/sodium. 

But you hear about all these diets and new ways of eating. Take the Paleo Diet which is based on what the cave man ate. Umm so when did you see the Flintstones  eating a kale salad or their wooly mammoth cooked on their induction cooktop with pink flaked salt and extra virgin olive oil? *rolls eeys*

I eat what I want to eat because I can. Even though I'm lactose intolerant, I still eat cheese and have milk and icecream. So what if I have to use the bathroom after a few minutes of consuming it – but that’s life. I'm not giving up something so yummy because it makes me want to run to the toilet before I shit my pants.

“Oh I don't eat meat because of the poor baby animals”.. Oh FFS. They are bred to be eaten and as long as they are not halal killed, then it’s a humane way to be processed. “But I can’t eat bread ‘cos I’m “gluten intolerant”. So you eat bread and you get pains in the tummy.. Harden up. You’re not going to die. Well you will, just not from eating pasta.

What has happened to people these days? Makes me want to live back when people weren’t so soft, when men were manly men and baby food was made in the home kitchen and not bought off the supermarket shelf.

It amazes me how LAZY society has become regarding processed foods. I see toddlers having coke and maccas for dinner. I had a meal on a plate every single night with a glass of blackcurrent juice. It’s not that hard to cook food. If you can’t cook, you should be embarrassed and ashamed that as an adult you have fail at something so very simple in life.

People think ‘cos I'm so fat I must eat poorly. Well I don't. Yeah I'll have maccas probably 5 times a year max. Pizza once a month - wish it was once a week. 
But the truth is - I'm lazy. I don't exercise. I don't go to the gym anymore. I'd walk more - but it's Stabport and once it starts getting dark it's no fucking way. 
I love the couch and Dr Phil and Judge Judy and The Bold. Then it's 10pm and time for bed. 
And being crook so often. Exercising is the last thing on my mind when my comfy bed is right there. 

I know I should look after myself. Probably why I'm sick all the time. 
Here I sit on the couch curled up in the fetal position wrapped in my blankie while my face is swollen and having its own fever with tears flowing down my red hot cheeks rocking back and forth wishing I wasn't so sick and all I want is a hug. 

The smell of dinner which has been in the slow cooker for 10hrs plus has aromas filling the house which normally are amazing but tonight make me gag with solids to follow. 
I've just spent all day at work throwing up - surely there isn't anything left inside me. Oh wait there is. 
I sit on the cold tiles next to the porcelain queen and wait for the next bout of heaving. Fuck I'm so over this. 
I'm exhausted. Being sick really does wear you out. 

But then it’s the next day, I’ve had my V and a plain bread roll for lunch and hey presto – I'm feeling almost 100%. I can enjoy my dinner from last night. And I'm thinking about the fresh bread and salad sandwich I still haven’t gotten to have. My tomatoes are ripe and smell like actual tomatoes.

And I’ve just grabbed a row of chocolate.

Judge me.. Bring it.

What Happens in Vegas.. Doesn't Happen in New York.

The day has finally arrived to head to Vegas. 

The others are heading home to the Gold Coast with all their goodies. I have a snow globe and popcorn. 

I've watching the weather app - nothing under 40'c everyday. Now that's my type of heat!!  I might be able to wear the dresses I packed. 

The trip to the airport was more dodgy than the back ally's of NY. I swear the driver took us the longest possible way ever. Maybe we got the "Back Industrial Street" tour. 

Now to wait 3hrs for the flight. Old mate stressed about missing flights and being early it was ridiculous. But I go along with it. It is a "group" trip after all. 

I pre-booked all my flight seats a year ago - whereas he didn't. We were then told the plane was over booked (well done Delta) and some people will miss out on the flight. Oh great. Stress level was already at 6 now it's 8. I'm all good. I've got my seat. I'm going to Vegas. Cya!! 

We catch the same plane. 5 hours later as the sun sets over the hazy desert we fly into Las Vegas. The plane lands there is our hotel. Now that was pretty cool to see.

Once again we walk a million miles through the terminal. But catch a turbo'd tram to the baggage pickup. Wow that was fast and kinda scary – I hate public transport at the best of times and this super speeding driverless tram is heading straight to the end of line. 

Walking outside to catch a cab, the blast of heat nearly burst my eyes out. It's 8pm and still 39'c. Holy shit balls it's hot. 

MGM Grand please. 

As things are still a bit tense between old mate and myself. We don't say much. It's kinda awkward but we make polite convos. I'm still highly irritated by his nasty comments towards me. And waiting for the next outburst from this grouch. 

The check-in lady loved my earrings. She was so flirting with me LOL

Heading up to the room we get lost through all the pokies. But when we finally found the room wow what a view. 20 floors up and we have a spectacular view of the southern/western end of the strip. My phone nearly went flat just taking pics of the buildings and the pretty lights of Vegas slowly coming on show. 

As the sunsets it's time for a nap. Well I am around an old person. It's New York all over again.

Dinner time and I dress up all pretty, so we had out and have a bite to eat. Well don't I look overdressed. Everyone in shorts and thongs - my favourite attire. And I'm in heals. So everyday after that, shorts and thongs it was. Its too hot to wear makeup.  

It's Grand Canyon day, alarm goes off at 4:30am. It's dark and we all know how much I love getting up in the dark. The bus is full, we are last to get on and I get the shittest seat ever. I'm so pissed off. 

First stop is meant to be Hoover Dam but oh no we get to go and see a bridge. Yes it has a view of the dam but it's just a bridge big fucking deal. Back on the bus in the shit seats and it's another two hours to the rocks, only to wait in line for 45mins to go on the skywalk. Well I nearly shit my pants it was so high I couldn't walk on the cracks. It began to move and I was like get me the fuck off this thing I'm outta here. Caught another shuttle to see more rocks and have some crap food they called a buffet lunch - I called it one plate of prison slop. That was at a place called Guano Point. Which I called Poo Point. Rather fitting really. Onto another bus to see the Ranch. I just wanted to see the horses. I was there for 5mins. Patted the horses and back on the shuttle to the main terminal to find old mate who didn’t want to see anymore and sat back on our coach in the aircon. Another trip pretty much done on my own.  

It was a 12 hour tour on a bus the whole time. I was ready to stab the driver and take control. He just wouldn't SHUT THE FUCK UP. The whole 2 hours he talked. And repeated himself over and over. Then he had the audacity to ask for a tip. I'm like. NO FUCKING WAY mate you don't deserve it. But grumpy had a whinge about their wages etc. mate this driver earns more than me in tips than I do per week at the shed. He gave him $10. Me $0. We stopped off at some gas station where they had live gun firing. I went in for a look – I think they get paid to stop here because it was a complete waste of time and then I got a splinter. Better than a bullet I guess. 

Travellers tip: don't do the Grand Canyon. It looks better on tv. 

Well I'm ready to head out to the strip and see the wonderful lights of Las Vegas. 

One thing I did notice was how clean Vegas was. The streets look clean the buildings are clean they even had people cleaning the buildings. New York should take some advice from Vegas as this is what we want to see - clean stuff , not shit all over the streets. There were a few quite pungent smells of cat piss – but nothing like the putrid spells of New York City. 

Each night I headed out on my own and explored the nooks and crannies looking for bargains and looking at the cards that people give gave out... boobies. 

You have to go and see the flamingos. They are really cute. I've never seen "mingos" before. And could have spent more time with them. 

Also headed to Shark Reef. You get what you pay for. $20 entry. I got told off for using my underwater camera - apparently fish don't like electricity. Last time I checked, my camera was battery operated not plugged into the power point. I would pass on going to this "attraction". 

I managed to get the free wifi from all the casinos, so every time I walk past a wifi spot I get a message from old mate asking if I've had dinner. Or what am I doing. Shit man just leave me alone. You didn't want to come out. Stop annoying me. 

Bellagio Fountains - oh my god well they are spectacular either day or night. Yes it draws the crowds but doesn't matter where you stand you still see that magnificent water as it dances to music. Definitely a must see!

Day three of four and my feet are killing me that's what I get for wearing thongs every day. I reckon I've walked 20 miles. 

My hotel has the best pools!! And no one gave a fuck about what you looked like. I'm a huge people watcher so I couldn't help but look at everybody. But for once nobody judged each other. I got my deckchair by the pool sat in the water and soaked up the sun and heat. Surrounded by palm trees. It's the closest I'll get to the beach. This is living this, is my type of holiday. I could stay here forever-ish.

I've pretty much done all the tourist things. I'm running out of money fast so I'm mainly looking and taking photos by this stage. Then I come across a street artist I'm blown away by his skills. Just take my money!! I got an amazing art work done of the Vegas skyline definitely a keeper. I got back to the hotel around 10.30pm and got the third degree on where I had been. Just out!! I showed old grumpy - he hates it. Wasn't impressed at all. Then asks me what's for dinner tomorrow night. I don't know. I haven't had tomorrow's breakfast yet. 

His negativity puts a downer on my night. Oh well. I'm used to this daily occurrence. 

In the mornings I like to wake up naturally around 8.30ish. As soon as my eyes even slightly open - grumpy who has been awake for hours starts talking to me. I grunt as a response. He's having full blown convos. Fuck man I've been awake for not even 2 mins and you wanna know what's for breakfast. FFS. I just roll over, put my ear plugs back in and pillow over my head. Get the hint buddy. Just shhh. 

Travellers hint: let your room mates SLEEP. 

It's our last night in Vegas and I'm not going to make the same mistake as New York. Went on the giant Ferris wheel. What great views!! I watch the fountains for the 3rd time - old mates first. We then walk the streets until my feet decide no more. And I'm in bed by 10pm. 

So much for getting an American style burger I was craving for in New York. 

I repack my suitcase to fit all my trinkets in and my awesome artwork. My dresses are still all rolled up from 3 weeks ago when they were fist packed. 

It's checkout day. we stay in our room till as late as possible, looking out at our view that no matter what time of day it is – it still look amazing.  Then we go and sit in the foyer for three hours until we head to the airport where we sit for another three hours. I'm so cold from the aircon I go outside where it's 44° just to warm up. I think I'm getting the flu from being inside and outside - hot cold hot cold.

I really just wanna go home now. 

But it's just not that simple. 

Apparently our plane has too much fuel and has to burn it off before we take off so we sit in the plane for two hours on the tarmac. No wifi. No food. And I'm getting a numb bum. 

After many complaints that at least 6 of us are all catching the same connecting international flight to Brisbane. We take off. Arriving in LA with 40mins to get from terminal 5 to terminal 3. We hitch a ride on a security buggy. I was on the back... Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 

I only had time for a real wee before boarding. 

Travellers Tip: learn to read your boarding pass. So when they ask for seats 35-59 and you’re in row 28 that doesn't mean you. Unless you wanna look like a moron and be ridiculed that is. I might have suggested to security to not yet them into the country. We have enough morons already. 

Yay for another 13hr flight. Being served "food" and sitting in a seat which reclines to make you feel like rigamortis has set in.

I wake up dazed and pretty sure I've crossed over or at least crossed over the international date line. Just in time for what the flight attendants call breakfast. I call this some weird shit in a wrap that has the consistency of clag and the taste of yuck. Get ya shit together Virgin. Plane food doesn't have to be worse than hospital food. Even the prison slop was better. 

Bags, car and home.

Where I thought I would have a great home coming. 

Wrong. 

I walked through my door and I thought I had been robbed. Well at least had squatters in there. My place had been trashed well probably not trashed but was a shambles. I went into complete shock. I've just been on a 16 hour flight and to come home to this was horrific. 

I grabbed Tia and assessed the situation. 

I just wanted to curl up into a ball in my bed with my cat but that couldn't happen. Three hours later once I cleaned the mess, re washed the dishes did the washing, made my bed and cleaned up I finally got my 10 min nap. 

It's nice to be home but gee it's cold.

5 Nights In New York

A year ago a workmate said let's go to New York and Vegas.. Usually I'm a tropical island or camping girl but I thought- Oh yeah why not.

Well it was my first and now last trip to NY I'll ever do. 
The lead up was exciting. Google, Pinterest and Trip Adviser got a good work out. My Pack List was a full page with all columns filled with coloured coordinated sections and I still had 11 months and 28 days to go. 

I tried to save money - but with escalating bills and a lack of work, this wasn't easy. 
A month out and I decided to dust off the suitcase and start to plan what wear. I'm pretty daggy - only really living in shorts and singlets, red shirts and my trusty flanno pjs. I own like 3 nice dresses that fit. Being a fatty everything nice shows my rolls. And ain't nobody wanna see that. 

2 weeks to go and I've decided to pack the clothes I don't normally wear into the suitcase. Crossing off those items from my list. 

I've starting writing notes to remind me to buy things for the animals. Skivy needs feeder fish and Tia will need extra food and a full page with pictures explaining how fussy she is. 

It's now a week to go and I've lost all excitement. I don't know why. Lack of fun funds and maybe a touch of nerves and stress has filtered down from the people I'm going with. Maybe leaving Tia is upsetting me. I don't know. But I'm sure I'll snap out if it. 

I'm pretty much completely packed now.

I put the feeder fish in with Skivy - which he devoured. 
Tia knows something is up and has become super smoochy. My baby girl. I'm going to miss her so much. Mummy wants to cry. Which I did. 
My countdown calendar on my iPhone has clicked over to under 24hrs now. Shits getting real. 
Righto I better go to bed. Gotta get up at 4.30am. I hate getting up before the sun. 

I pick up old mate and we head to the airport. Traffic was fine (told ya so). We arrive 5hrs before our flight. Lucky for free wifi.

*Traveller Hint – make sure everyone is well away from the taxi hatch door before closing it. As I experienced when I collapsed to the ground in a state of shock, pain and embarrassment. Holy shit, what just happened. Instant bump on my head as I struggle to find my feet while looking around to who saw me. Thats going to be on camera for sure. Never did get an apology from old mate. Just said he felt bad. Not as bad as my head feels buddy.

We all shuffle onto the plane and set off on our 13hr long haul flight to LA, land and then walk what feels like 500 miles (ok not that many) to the next terminal where we board our plane for another 5hrs. No free wifi. 
Get me off this plane. I'm so over sitting down. 

We catch a yellow cab to our hotel. We made it in one piece. They drive like maniacs over here. 
Checked in and the room... What a view of the Empire State Building!! I'm going to the bar (rooftop of course). HOW MUCH for a glass of bubbly.. (Quickly do conversion in my head that's Au$23.. Shit) I'll be having A drink tonight. 
Now I've never been to the Big Apple where my travel buddy aka Old Mate has (this is important). I had a list of all the things I wanted to do . All the tourist things and eat all the shit food the Americans eat. 

After day one of walking around and seeing the sights - things went downhill. 
I don't know of it was the disgusting amount of rotting garbage strewed alongside the streets that turned me off from this city or being surrounded by a concrete jungle. The smell of hell knows what and just the state of well EVERYTHING. I felt like I was in a 3rd world country by the state of the buildings and streets. It was utterly appalling. 
They need a 350m high tsunami to wash away all the filth.

Gee I miss the beach.  

Now travelling with older people you expect them to get tired and stuff - but by 1pm the day was over and it was bed time. I thought maybe it's jet lag - but every day I found myself by myself. Are fucking kidding me - isn't this a group trip?? Sure they have done this city many times but I haven't. The closest ive been is the pics I like on Instragram.
I might as well have come on my own.

The tourist attractions like ESB and old love the Statue of Liberty was good. I nearly died waking up to the crown. Wouldn't do that again. 126 stairs of HELL. The boat trip was nice. I think I needed some fresh air even though it was filled with diesel.
At this stage I felt left out from the group of 6. I wasn't family and the hatred towards me was very apparent. 

Day 3 of 5 and I've wandering around the city on my own and looking for things to eat. I tried to try some of the foods - I had pizza every day. Their coffee is FUCKING DISGUSTING. They don't sell Vs and Dunkin Donuts are yuck. I wasn't game to try the street food carts as they looked as dirty as the streets. 
I came back to the hotel and the others were sound asleep. Well this is boring. They woke up for dinner and then by 9pm it was lights out and sleep time. Righto. 
I felt bad for being on my phone as its gives out a bright light. Oh well I spose I'll go to bed too. Maybe tomorrow will be different. 
Nope. 

I was completely over seeing the dirt and filth. Central Park was, a park. Needed a good mowing and weeding. But was nice to be in a green-ish environment.
Then we went to the zoo. Maybe they don't have regulations in the States regarding enclosures and animal welfare. 

*Tourist Tip – Don't go to the zoo.
The horse and carriage was fun. I made a new friend - Butterscotch. He was a beautiful horsey. Our horse Sunny tried to eat my fingers. 
911 memorial. It ones I of those things you have to do. A sober and quite eerie experience. I could have stayed longer - if it wasn't so bitterly cold!! 
The One World tower is a must. Spectacular views of the whole city. Lunch (yes pizza again) on my own was good and finally found decent coffee. 

It's family birthday dinner tonight (the reason we are here). So I head to Times Square. So many sights there and the billboards were very pretty. I didn't know the M&M store was there. Fuck it. 
The temperature is dropping and I'm starting to freeze my toes off. I wish I wore socks and a hoodie. Better head back and get some pizza for dinner. Got my photo with Pappa Smurf – cost me $1. Gee it was nice to have the room to myself for a while. So I ate all the "turn down" chocolates. 

It's our last day in New York. Everyone has the shits everyone is doing their own thing. It's raining and I wasn't going to stay in bed like the 2 old farts who were in the same room. After a few heated and nasty words - I couldn't wait to get out of there. 

I head to the Flatiron Building and then the Brooklyn Bridge. Took selfies. Saw squirrels – which are sooo cute. Then went back "home". My turn for a turn for a nap. I was woken up a few mins later but went back to sleep as they decided it was again nap time. 
Old love went to the bottlo and decided she'll get smashed in our room. I wanted to go for a walk but was getting dark. We got dirty old Chinese food and by 9pm again it was tv off and lights out. What a way to end my only trip to NY. Boring. 

Bags are packed and ready to go. Half of the other group (who are my age) came to our hotel and told us all the things they did and bought. I was shattered. I was with the wrong group. I missed out on seeing so much cos I didn't know it was happening. So much shopping and sightseeing all lost cos my roomies were at least twice my age. Oh well. Not much I can do about that. At least I did everything on my to do list. But I would have like to have gone to the ice-cream shop or burger place where you make your own burgers and the discount shoe and clothes stores.


Everyone said "You'll love NY" - I didn't. 

There won't be a next time. 

Now I'm on a flight to Las Vegas eating my cheese and caramel popcorn.