What makes a best friend?
I mean, I’ve had
many friends but have I really had a best friend. I would say yes I have, but I
have not be their best friend.
I have lots of
people I know – but are they really a real friend just because they are on my
facebook friends list or in my contacts on my phone?
Are these people
really my friends even though we don’t even “like” each other’s posts? I don’t
even wish them a happy birthday when facey comes up in my reminders. Hey, they
don’t post on my wall let alone send me a private message. Do people even know
how to actually phone people and have a conversation with real words other than
a black and white emotionless text message?
I’m unliked and
hidden by many of my “friends” and I think I am only on their fb to be
stalkerish. I mean I do the same. I’m still interested in peoples’ lives – but
I don’t like or comment on their posts either.
I don’t get many
“likes” for the things that are important to me. And I rarely get an actual
comment. Maybe my life is boring to
others as well or they are just not interested in the things have to say or
do.
Then why bother
having me on their “friends” list?
In the real life I
have a very very small group of real friends. Those people love me for me and even
though I’m a total bitch – they still want to be my friend. We might only hang
out and go have coffee once a year, but I still classify that as a friend.
Yes I would rather hang out at the beach than hang out with some
people. Sometimes I also work lots and the one day off is precious so doing
something rather than spending it on the couch is important to me.
Any time someone asks me to do something which sounds kinda cool –
I say Yes straight away. I'm all for doing fun and different stuff* I get
excited and start planning stuff to do with the seed that is planted in my
mind.
Recently I had a
best friend. We did everything together. Any time there was an event happening
– we were there. We would make a plan to spend our day off together enjoying
the day.
We were even planning to go on a cruise to Fiji. And thinking back..
this is where it all started to go to shit.
We would talk every day and night, just about life or to vent on
how shit our day was. Most of the times it was who could send the most
stupidest gif to each other.
Sure I wasn’t the
best friend I could have been. But for the majority I was the best friend I
could be. I’m sure I gave my best friend the shits as they did me. But that’s
what friends are for.
Then something
happened. But fucks me on what. Things just ended.
I would see
something fun to do – like fireworks, food expos or sushi. And when I used to
get a “yeah lets go” I started to get a “not sure” “maybe” “I don’t know”. This
started to become a more regular occurrence. So we stopped doing things. We stopped
talking. The messages became one worded replies, even though the little speech bubble
was telling me you were writing something longer.
Now these things we
did every week some things twice a week. We used to go shopping then sushi for
lunch followed by yogurt for dessert and then we would each head to our homes and
have a nap to recover from the day we just spent together.
We went to all the
different shows – exploring our taste buds to dreaming on what caravan we would
own when we won lotto. One time we dressed in our winter warmies and went into
Surfers just to people watch. Just stupid random things like that.
Which ended abruptly.
Maybe I’ve said
something they are offend by. But I’m one of those friends who are not afraid
of telling the truth no matter who you are and I have been this way pretty much
all my life. So therefore I
haven’t changed as a person. So really it can’t be that.
I’ve asked a few
times what’s going on and why don’t you want to hang out with me anymore. I got
a “its not you trust me” – then what the fuck is it then?? I never got a reply.
So I left it.
Seeing if you would make an attempt to make contact with me.
Nope.
I wanted to be
asked to hang out, wanted to be wanted.
Nothing.
Then I saw a photo
posted to shitbook. Well fuck me. No it wasn’t me – it was actually YOU.
You had found a new
person to be your friend. Someone new to hang out with. Someone to go to the
theme parks with. And probably someone else to have sushi with. Fuck you.
And here I am
wondering what the fuck I had done to be deserted. I knew it... Nothing!!
What a kick in the
guts. And really what a dog act to not even tell me and have me to find out via
stupid social media.
My best friend, my
only friend had left me for someone else. And I still didn’t know why.
Why was I holding
on to something after being rejected for weeks? Was I the only one who was
truly enjoying our outings? I guess I’ll never know now.
For the past few
years I honestly believed you considered me as a best friend too. Clearly not.
So out of spite, I
have untagged you from every photo we have had together.
You didn’t want me
in your life – so I deleted myself from it.
I will still keep
the photos and the memories from all the things we did, but you have made it
perfectly clear that you want nothing more to do with me.
So be it.
I still have my genuine
friends – even though I’m the shit friend who doesn’t make time for more catch
ups for coffee or lunch. They also have my number if they want to make time for
me as well.
I will still do all
the things I want to do – although having a friend there to share the fun
things with, always seems to be better.
I will share my outings with my fake friends on facebook. I will
get 4 likes out of the 120 people on my list. I will share a photo on instagram
and get comments from strangers that I don't even know or even care about.
I will vent to my cat about my shit day. And I will eat sushi on
my own and not in our booth.
This is not the first time someone has gotten sick of me and would
rather have nothing to do with me than to be around me.
So maybe it is me. Maybe I really am the cunt people tell me I am.
I don't want another bestie and no one wants me.
I have me and only ME.
